Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Crazy Vet Lady

So today I had a record-breaking wtf experience.

This morning while groggy and retarded I took my snakes to the vet.

I showed up early so I was stuck for a long time sitting in the waiting room holding a giant heavy storage bin full of snakes, looking casual as fuck.

This elderly woman with acrylic nails and wearing a huge poofy knitted black sweater covered in cat hairs came in and sat across from me, and started staring at me.

I was in the middle of doing an awesome job at pretending not to notice her when she randomly walked over and sat down RIGHT up against me. Like cuddle rape. Like boob and thigh contact.This random cat lady had just started abruptly spooning me without so much as an icebreaker. I sat paralyzed in stunned confusion as she slowly reached into the box I was balancing on my crotch and started stroking the snakes and making gaspy sex noises that I guess were supposed to be her 'admiring a thing' noises. She then leaned in close to my ear and whispered "Snakes like me".

I sat there short-circuiting until the vet lady called her into the back and she hobbled off.

I then imploded.

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